My weekend was...

actually pretty nice. Well, kind of. I had to work and that part sucked. I didn't have my car either (I just got it back today) and that part sucked too. 

Friday night I met up with my best friend, C, and we went out for our usual Friday night thing. Well, she ended up spending the night talking to Mr. H's brother. I'm a pretty social person and I tried talking to the guys around me, but they were all half-retarded so I called my mom and made her come get me. No shame.

I just really wanted to go home. Whatever works for them, it's going to be a little weird in the future, but whatever. 

Mr. H also called me Friday night, before C and I had ever ventured out. He just wanted to say thanks for everything and apologize for how things turned out. It ended amicably and it was nice. At least if I see him out we'll be on friendly(-er) terms now and that's a nice feeling. It's not the biggest city, but it definitely messed up my head for the rest of the night, and the next morning as well. I just kept thinking maybe I have it all wrong. You know, that feeling that you get when someone you really care(d) about just pops back into the picture. You start questioning yourself, second guessing yourself. Did I make the right decision? Should I have done something else? I couldn't figure it out and so on my way to work Saturday morning I prayed about it- asked God to help me figure out what the heck to do, show me where I should be. 

Around 11 that morning my golfpro (formally referred to as Mr. B, I changed his name!) sent me a little text message asking me how work was going, I told him it was alright, nothing too great. He asked if we were still on for that night (Saturday) and I told him that my car was still in the shop so I don't think it will work out. He'd have to pick me up and drop me off and all that jazz, but instead of being like oh- okay, he asked what time I was out of work. I told him 7 and he was like alright, I'll pick you up at 7. I was just stunned. It's about a 45 minute drive from his house to where I work. That was my answer and I knew it. I felt at peace. Ask and you shall receive, right? But it just gets better. 

So after he picked me up, he dropped me off at home so I could shower, which was cool because I was just going to ask to use his, and he has nice shampoo so I would've made due, but he knows how I feel about all my stuff, so he dropped me at the door. While I was showering he went about bought stuff to make dinner. He picked me up again from my house and we drove to his house and then he cooked me dinner. I had such a fantastic time. He blessed me with clean-up duty, which was totally fine and as I was washing dishes I was like, "Look baby, we're playing house!" and he just laughed and was like, "Yes, honey, we are." It was just one of those moments. And so after dinner and dessert and me cleaning up we headed up stars and tucked in for the night.

The next morning we woke up and he got ready to take me all the way back to work. He asked if I wanted some left over dessert for a snack at work and I said yes and then he asked if I wanted some left over dinner for lunch and I asked if he had a container for it and he said he did so I said yes. And with that he packed me a little lunch and off we went. We stopped for coffee on the way at Dunkin's, my treat, and off we went. 

We figured out that we've been doing this for 6 years now. Six. Seriously. I can't believe it myself really, but in these past 6 years I can honestly say it's never felt this way. I've never been so open to him and to us. I contribute part of that to just finally being ready. To finally being mature enough to accept it, but I also contribute it to church and God. I recently read Love and Respect which is a faith based book on marriage. And while it is on marriage, it really applies to all relationships. But, really this book just totally opened my eyes and made me realize a lot. As soon as I finished I sent a text to golfpro apologizing for being so selfish and disrespectful for the past 6 years. And really I have been. I've noticed a change in our relationship ever since that conversation. He called later that night and we talked about it, and things have definitely shifted. I'm not saying we'll stay together and work out this time, who knows really, but I can honestly say that I am more open to life with him and more appreciative of all the little things he does for me. And there's a lot. 

So that's that. That was my weekend. I hope yours was really great too. I'm going to hop in my car now (because it's here and I can) and go buy some ice cream. Any suggestions? I'm feeling Ben and Jerry's. 

I'm sorry....

but the fact that my ex ex ex ex ex is 28 and dating a 20 year old is just gross. Seriously. I got he had issues when I dumped him, but damn. Grossness. 

My entire body...

is peeling. And it itches. Like crazy. All over. My back, my shoulders, my chest, my armpits, my stomach, my thighs, my shins. 

Yes, I got really really burnt. But atleast even with the peeling I'm still pretty tan. SWEEET!

I still haven't been motivated to write too much. I don't know what my deal is. I can do these little posts, but making a big one is just impossible it seems. 

My car is in the shop. Remember the hit and run? Yes. My little mobile is getting some plastic surgery. I should get it back Friday, but going all week without it has just royally sucked. Royally. Luckily my family is nice enough to drive me the 30 minutes to and from work everyday and let me borrow their car to run my simple errands. But still. I want my car. Oh, and did I mention that there's $2k in damage? Seriously. Seriously! I'm so frustrated!

I love this country....

but we're seriously slacking. 

Oh, wait, this is the best we could do?

Is it possible....

to live with only a 100 things?

I have thing...

to write about. Plenty of things. I just need the time to do it. Yes, I know I've passed another Monday without a motivation, but I haven't forgotten. I've just been busy. I'll aim for tomorrow evening. 

Talk about a...

stressful couple days. On Monday I had a really cute first date, it went well (I think!) and I hope we have a second, however on my way home I was rear-ended and then the guy took off. That sucks. A lot. Now I'm stuck with just a big huge headache. I did get the guys license plate and I did call the police and file a report and now I'm in the process of that whole thing. So needless to say I just haven't felt like writing anything, in all honesty, all I've wanted to do is crawl into the fetal position under the covers, lock the door and be left completely alone. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, but I'm feeling much better today. Much. 

I also realized today that I totally ignored my posting obligation this past monday (I'm sure you can understand why). So, in lieu of that, let me update you on my status. 

It seems this week might have been a little bit of a milestone for me. I'm not too quick to point out this change because I worry that tomorrow I'll fail. I have gained a half of pound to sit oat 231.0. I'm okay with that too. I finally started adding weights into my routine every other day. Muscle burns calories while fat just sits there. I'm also hoping that this will help tone me up so that even though I might stay the same weight, my pants will be a little looser. I don't do a big to do with weights, just some arm stuff, a few sets of sit-ups and squats. On days that I don't do weights I've tried to stay on the treadmill a  little longer aiming for 35-40 minutes. I've also started interval running. After warming up I run for a minute, then walk for two, run for a minute and walk for two. Yesterday I ran for a minute and half and walked for two. I only made it to the gym two times, maybe three last week and I realized my laziness on that was due to not bringing my gym clothes with me in the morning. I definitely changed that this week and it's obviously already made a difference. 

And even though my weight hasn't really changed too much this past week, I must say that I feel better from a month ago. The biggest change has been in simple things. No, I don't really have more energy like everyone says you should, and no, my mood hasn't really improved. I do sleep better at night though, like I feel I've really tired myself out during the day sleep. That is awesome. Really awesome. And also I've noticed a change in just how my body reacts to simple movements. A month ago, things like squatting down to pick something up off the ground was tough! Seriously. My face would turn red and it was just a big to-do, now, no biggie. I don't mind at all. It's just like breathing. It's those little things like that that have made the biggest difference. 

The second biggest change I've noticed comes in terms of how I feel about myself. So much so that I've been preaching almost to C that she needs to start. I will be the first to say that even though I'm a chubby girl, it doesn't really bother me so much, I don't mind. I don't have a negative self image, I don't stare in the mirror thinking I'm fat all the time. In all honestly, I forget I'm chubby and often think like I'm thin. But since I've been working out, I'm even more okay with myself then I was before because it feels good to accomplish something and notice this little changes. So, even though I may be a size 16, I can run! and I lift weights! and I make it to the gym a few times a week! and all my numbers are low! and that's an awesome feeling, even more so then seeing a change on the scale. It just makes me feel more okay with me and that's worth more than any number on the scale. 

I was in...

a hit and run last night. And it really sucks. And I definitely wasn't the one who ran. Yeaaaaah. 

Reason #68501...

why I love my mom. 

Me: So I have a date tomorrow night. 

Mom: Is he cute?

Me: Obviously. 

Mom: So where are you going? A hotel?

Me: Yeah I was thinking about it. 

Mom: Make sure you bring a condom. 

Me: I was totally kidding mom. 

Mom: Well, still, bring a condom. 

heart. Okay, so maybe you'd have had to been there. 

Last night..

was kind of a crappy night. I went out with C hoping to have a great time, but I was just too preoccupied with other stuff to relax and have a good time, but her being the amazing friend that she is dealt with me. I love her. 

We were at one of our favorite bars last night after going to a couple others and deciding we only really like this one. We were drinking a couple J.D. Honey Brown's and watching highlights of the Red Sox vs. the Orioles game. A guy kept standing awkwardly behind us and so I made small talk with him to try and down play the creep factor. FAIL!

It worked at first until he continued to longer behind us with a couple of older women well after he got his drinks. He whispered in C's ear, which I luckily found out later was completely inappropriate. He's lucky he said it to her and not to me. He continued talking to her though and she pretended to laugh and he continued on. Eventually he moved to the side and got involved in his group again.. only so his friend could come up and start talking to us. 

I forget what his friend said but it wasn't funny and it didn't make sense and so he went on to tell us he was joking. C pretended to laugh again and I trying to be nice was like, oh I'm sorry, I didn't get it. He then became a retard and was like, well, I don't get your sarcasm. ?. And I looked at him and told him that it was probably because I wasn't being sarcastic and then I ignored him. 

After a few minutes of peacefulness, the creepy stand behind stalker came back to make conversation with me this time. Oh, lucky me! He kept prodding me, asking me if I was happy and I kept telling him yes, I was, I'm a pretty happy person. Because it just seems like you think I'm.. obtuse. So I paused and tried to figure out how this creepy drunk guy could even use a word like obtuse in his condition, and then went on to assure him I did not think he was obtuse. He continued on with whether I was happy or not and I continued to reassure him that I was. Of course I could have been happier had he not been haggling me with drunken questions about happiness and triangles, but I just wasn't in the mood to be a complete bitch. After he walked away I had to explain obtuse to C, we paid our tab and headed out.