Just like a train wreck

You know how when you're driving down the freeway and there's an accident off to the side and you can't help but stare, taking it all in. You know the possibility for it to be unimaginably gory lies there, but still you can't stop yourself. Well, that's how I feel about my love life right now. And I use the word love lightly, almost for the lack of a better term. Almost.

Remember about a week ago, when I posted about my date with that really hot guy? The one that's 6'4", 200 lbs of pure sleek and sexy muscle. The one that says everything right, all the time, at the perfect moment. Well, he hadn't called all week, and I was really excited about that. Of course I was really disappointed as well, but knowing that I had averted a heart ache was comforting. Until yesterday. When he called. At 9:26 in the morning. Right before church. And called back after I sent him to voicemail. And then left a message saying he's been sick with strep and that he missed me and that he hopes he gets to talk to me soon. 

Yeah. 

He called back later last night and we talked and it was really nice, too nice. And he said all the right things, at the perfect moments, again. And I felt my stomach to twist all into a bunch again. 

Yeah.

I really hope he doesn't call tonight. I mean that. 

See, the thing is, I can totally see how this ends. And it's not very good. And I'll tell you, it definitely ends with me all sad and hurt and upset and even though I know this and can totally foresee this happening, I can not stop myself. I can't say no. There's something there, it's like a magnet. And he knows how I feel. I told him upfront on date one that I was feeling something and I will have feelings and they will happen really quick. I could see it coming even then. And he says he's okay with this. No, really, like he says it back okay with it. And then last night when I was sexy talking to him, because, hello, he's that hot and you would so totally do it too, he was saying how he wanted to be the best lover ever. And I was like, uhm, hello, have you seen you? Seriously. But no, I told him it was nearly impossible, but if he could make it to the top slot he better be ready to be stuck with me for a while and you know what he said? 

I wouldn't mind that at all. Would you?