Do you ever just feel so scared and confused and lost in life? That's me right now. First, let me say that I love his sweater and am very jealous it's on him and not me...
Very. Jealous. I met a boy last night. Okay, he's not a boy, he's 30, takes my breath completely away and he scares me to death. Looking in his eyes makes me hyperventilate.
I sent my last text message to Golfpro telling him I hate him for everything and thanks for breaking a perfect heart. He wrote me back this morning say he did nothing and this is just me being me. F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. And... I just hurt. But I still can't cry. I want to just key his car, throw paint cans at him, something, anything so he can hurt as much as I do. He never will though because that's just him. And the sad part of it all is that when I look at the person he was when I first fell in love with, I don't even recognize who he is now, he's such a shell of the amazing person he used to be, but even with that, still I hurt. Right now I just really really hate him. I really don't think I can ever do this again with him. I totally opened myself to him and let my guard down, look where that got me.
But, I met a boy last night that scares the life out of me. He can break me. And I don't want him too, but wow. Have you ever felt that? I really doubt it will lead to anything serious, but this feeling I feel. Wow. I just feel like I can't get enough of him, he's intoxicating.
And now I sound like a stalker. Grrrreat.
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