It's about time...

that I stopped thinking and worrying about every other person in this world and focused on me. Finally. I've spent the last two years so caught up in trying to be everything to everyone that I have totally neglected being me for me. It's not a matter of not making time for myself, I do that and trust me, I do that well, but I more so put all my emotional wants and needs on the back burner to make sure everyone else is happy. That is, until now. 

I knew that there was more to this Mr. H thing then what scratched the surface. I just didn't know what it was or how deep it really ran. But I kept digging, kept thinking about it, kept taking it apart and putting it back together hoping that it would all make sense. And finally it did. I've spent the last four months completely taking care of him, making him happy. My every thought was consumed with his well-being and I understand the situation called for it, but I finally broke. A big part of it is the surface emotions that the situation caused, I do feel like he took advantage of my kindness, but more so I feel like it's time to just focus on me. 

This isn't completely his fault either, it's been slowly happening for years now and that right there is my fault. I felt like who I was wasn't good enough without ever really realizing it. It might be contradictory to say, but I've never really suffered from low self-esteem so coming to this realization has definitely been confusing to me. But, it's like it all happened sub-consciously. I felt like I had to make these changes that I made, be a different person in order to be a good person, in order to be the person that I wanted to see staring back at me in the mirror. Problem was, the person I found staring back at me was never happy. 

So I decided last night while I was laying in bed with all this playing over and over in my head, that I'm going to be happy and I'm done trying to be what others think I should be. I'm done apologizing for my actions, I'm done trying to come up with a good reason why I shouldn't do something other than it might not be the accepted thing to do. I'm going to do things for me now. And I really hope you start doing things for you.