So complicated.

I've been feeling so completely overwhelmed this past week. Things have happened that I never expected in a million years and I won't try and explain all of them here, some of them are private. But for one, Mr. B coming back, I just didn't expect it and now that he is and things are feeling crazy different then they ever have before, it's like he's just not that into it. And, I've just not been this unsure in such a long time. 

And second, Mr. H wrote me this letter and I wasn't going to bother responding, but the whole thing has just been bothering me, as it should I suppose. 

And then there's the school thing. I've just been feeling so lost in life this past week, hardly knowing what to do about anything I'm faced with. 

And so I sat in church this morning with my dad and just let go. I just let go of it all and in sitting there, that might be one of the first times I've really began to believe in something more than just this, in something that's bigger than ourselves. It's hard to explain, but if you've ever experienced it, and I hope you have, or that you will at least once in your life, it is the most amazing feeling. I think that's the feeling people get when they say God has talked to them. It's this overwhelming clarity and calmness that just lets you know all will be okay and to take a deep breath. I felt like I was a child again, sitting on my mom's lap and burying my head into her neck for comfort. 

Things aren't magically perfect now, I'm still feeling a little stressed, but I know what I have to do and although I might not like doing it, it's what's right and more importantly I know that whenever happens, whatever the outcome may be, that it will be okay, it will be alright.